Day 9 SITREP

It’s a war of attrition!  First we lose Scotty M and today Jay clearly forgot to take his ‘man-up’ pills and had to get off the bike midway through the morning’s climbs.  Unlucky Jay, but you were carrying quite a few injuries and sadly it was only a matter of time.  The remaining riders were extremely sympathetic to Jay at the first feeding stn in Penrith.  At no point were the phrases ‘weak’, ‘careless’, ‘can’t you man-up’ or ‘you haven’t fallen off yet’ used to express our appreciation of his situation.  We retired him a broken man to the wagon with a brew.  Hard rules in the riding team after over 800 miles.



Today’s stage was a good one, 103 miles or so of nice rolling roads with some excellent inclines to warm up the legs and prepare the riders for the climb over Shap later.  A lot of tired legs again this morning, probably due to 800+ miles and the fact that a rubbish night’s sleep was had for many, in the worst accommodation on the route so far.  After yesterday’s efforts, the sight of an office on the end of a warehouse surrounded by ammo wasn’t exactly what the riders had in mind.  Some serial snorers in the Support Team and a bunch of old men getting up to visit the toilet every 10  minutes made for an interesting evening for some.  Clearly a lot of prostate action for the SMO to sort out on our return.  A large scale toast-fest and lots of brews were consumed while some last minute bike admin was attended to with the biblical rubbish roads yesterday accounting for a wheel bearing, lots of loose fixings and a puncture.  We robbed Scotty M’s bike for spares (all its good for anyway; besides Mrs Scotty has flogged his other bikes while he’s been away), only to find his rear wheel was buckled anyway.  At least the bearing worked, so a quick cassette change and some hammering and the team was ready to go. The daytime occupants of the office turned up, very much wondering why 6 blokes were dressed in full-on ‘pest’ lycra and liberally applying chamois cream to the crotch (not each others, I might add – haven’t got to that stage yet).  You can’t really explain that away or ‘crevice management’ to be honest and most of us didn’t bother to try.  Nice to bid farewell to Longtown, don’t think I’ll be booking my summer holiday there anytime soon!

Some nice headwinds and a few showers on the run down to Carlisle as the Super Domestique led the line of riders southbound, slowly cranking up the pace once the ‘Old Man of Tydrum’s’ bones were warmed up.  The old boy had experienced a pretty rough day yesterday and we were fully expecting him to bounce back (not off the tarmac for once) an dish it out today. 

Through Carlisle without drama and onto the A6.  Not much chance for nav-faffs today as just over 90 miles on the same road was in the offing; could of actually been boring, but the myriad of small climbs did a lot to break the monotony – and a few hamstrings.  Super Domestique was in the groove today fuelled by an epic sized cheese and onion pattie ‘cannonball’ the previous night and drove the team hard up the climbs to Penrith and after we lost Jay, the pace increased further, with everyone getting a good dab on up to the first feeding stn.  The Support Team had planned to use a location on the southern part of town, but the sight and smell of MacDonalds as the group went through the town centre was too much for Bianca and in seconds flat she had abandoned bike and was at the counter ordering big food.  Again.  The Support Team (now +1) had a quick spot of re-org to do, but you can’t keep a hungry bird from her Big Mac (or pizza, chips, pies, chicken etc – you get the picture; feed the monkey).  A brew and a refill of bottles and the 6-ship departed Penrith for the 30 mile run to Kendal.  Plenty to ‘eat’ on this leg, with Shap slap bang in the middle.  Some good efforts getting over the lower slopes and then the whole team worked hard as a single group with the Super Domestique making the pace on the front to get to the summit in pretty good time.  The ‘Old Man of Tydrum’ received the new title of ‘Old Man of Shap’ after his conquering performance, although Bianca did have to encourage him up the last few miles with some Primark Sports ‘G’ showage (other Sports ‘Gs’ are available.  Apparently).  Anyway, Shap done and time for the very fast descent into Kendal with some of the boys smashing it at max chat to the second feeding stn and a monster pile of chicken butties.  Happy days.  Replen complete, the Super Domestique got back on the front and drove the team hard, whipping the hounds good and proper, past Morcombe Bay, Carnforth and southbound onto Lancaster.  A bit of bleating from the rest of the team in places but they were all good for it and all produced the goods when required – good drills.

After yesterday’s nightmare on the Afghan roads of southern Scotland, it was almost a pleasure to ride the smooth roads of Cumbria, however, once in Lancashire, whilst the roads remained good, the quality of the driving left a lot to be desired.  More close calls today than during the previous 800 miles put together.  Lancaster had to be the worst, with buses, trucks and Audi A3s deciding to try and ram the riders off the road.  Bianca also got a load of stick from the locals, although they drove off before the ‘Old Man of Shap’ could start port and starboard windmilling.  Clearly cyclists aren’t welcome in Lancaster, maybe it’s a ‘local town for local people’?  Anyway, thanks for nothing.  That said, the lorry driver who had 2 attempts at taking out Tats, did produce an ad-hoc 10 mile time trial smash off the front for Tats and Kev as they gave chase before the lorry bottled it and turned onto the M6.  Not wanting to waste the effort, the boys pressed onto the next rest stop in Garstang at max chat and got a brew in while the rest of the team arrived.  Garstang – the least signposted town in Lancashire.  That’s 2 chases and 2 fails for Tats – clearly lacking a touch of pace these days!

Traffic was the main factor in Lancaster and the final 12 mile run from Garstang to Preston was worse.  Proper gridlock from start to finish, happily with a few cycle lanes for protection.  Super Domestique on the front again, clearly eager to get the last leg out of the way and whipping the hounds once more.  Into Preston and it was time for kamikaze tactics to make any sort of progress through the traffic with Tats and Kev blazing a path through the unaware, impolite and thoroughly dangerous drivers of Preston.  Bianca got the horn once or twice (does that scan correctly?!!), but she’s good for it.  Finally Deepdale hove into view and the drill hall in Kimberley Barracks (no expense spared on this trip!!).  Lots of back slapping and rightly so after an excellent performance from the whole team.  The Support Team got it spot on today and the Riding Team were massive, both on Shap and particularly when being driven very hard on the flat.  Everybody earned their pie (or in Bianca’s case, 2 pies) today, nice one.

Massive pizza action tonight to replace the 6800 calories burnt today, although I have to confirm that Bianca won the ‘eat off’ yet again.  I may have to employ the geezer from Man vs Food to take this woman on!  Plenty of morale tonight, but a lot of very tired and painful bodies, but then again, pain is just weakness leaving the body.  Nothing weak about these riders – all have them have been massive.  Period.

Final day tomorrow and it will be a shame for this to come to an end.  919 miles have been chewed through over the last 9 days, which for some of the more inexperienced riders, is an epic feat.  For us old gits, well, what can I say – it doesn’t get any easier as the years move on and it takes longer and longer to climb out of bed each day.

Looking forward to the RAFA Club in Leyland tomorrow morning and then getting back to RAF Leeming where I know a warm welcome awaits us.  The support from homebase, friends and families and from the fabulous people we’ve met along the route has been utterly humbling and all of us are so grateful, it’s been an experience we will never forget.  Some will carry the physical scars forever (but in places you don’t want to know about) and Bianca will carry the mental scars of sharing accommodation with 13 blokes, most of whom are middle aged, sweaty, smelly and clad in dodgy lycra outfits fit only for a cheap Bosnian strip joint.  I’ll leave you with that special image and see you all tomorrow – 1600 hrs – sharp!!!